


Intoxicated & Treacherous

by phandoe



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Phan - Freeform, Phan Smut, Phanfiction, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-02
Updated: 2017-07-11
Packaged: 2018-10-26 21:00:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 9,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10794669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phandoe/pseuds/phandoe
Summary: "I loved you because you were dangerous in a way that was exciting and almost poetic. I love you now in spite of that."This is the aftermath of their breakup when someone is unfaithful. Like you, they both want the happy ending. But it's not going to be easy.





	1. Chapter One

**Six months.**

It has been six months since the Dan & Phil brand split up. Six months since their lives were so intertwined that they were seen as one and addressed as one entity - as a unit. Six months since Phil threw his phone at Dan’s head and Dan sloppily threw his clothes in his bag and slammed the door to their apartment upon exiting. The last words Phil said to Dan were: “I hate you” and the last words Dan said to Phil were: “Fuck you”. They haven’t spoken since.

However, that doesn’t mean that they have moved on, cut ties, and left their past behind them. Dan regularly checks Phil’s twitter. His little anecdotes brightens up his melancholy days. Meanwhile, Phil checks Dan’s instagram daily. He doesn’t post often enough to warrant daily checks, but some urges aren’t worth fighting. Tonight, though, Phil doesn’t have to check instagram to see his face because tonight Dan is here. Chris is throwing a party and sure, him and Chris aren’t very close anymore but he didn’t come here to see the guy anyway.

“Hey, Phil,” PJ greeted him, making his way through the crowd.

“Hey, Peej.”

“Not to alarm you or anything but Dan is here.” He motioned his head toward the left and Phil’s eyes followed.

 _Of course_ Dan’s here already. And from what he can see Dan’s made himself the life of the party. He rolled his eyes and scoffed, but a warm feeling filled his chest at the sound of his laugh above the music. For the past 7 years that laugh _was_ his music.

“Phil? You okay?”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m fine. Let's get a drink?”

* * *

The night carried on and eventually Dan caught a glimpse of Phil and kept catching glimpses of him until their eyes met. Somehow they drifted closer as more drinks were downed and maybe their hands brushed each other’s a few times, but the silence between them remained in tact. Well, until now.

“I need another beer,” Dan said as he broke away from his circle of friends, heading to the kitchen.

“Bring me one too, please,” Phil yelled after him. Dan froze in his tracks for a moment then continued on, coming back with two beers and instead of returning to his spot between Chris and PJ, he dropped down on the sofa next to Phil. “Thanks, mate.”

“Oh, so we’re mates now?” Dan asked just loud enough for only Phil to hear.

“Did I call you that? Sorry.”

“Don’t be. I’m happy to be your something. Even if it’s just ‘mate’.” Dan took a sip of his beer then fell back into the conversation with the rest of their friends. Phil, on the other hand, took a swig of his beer and stayed quiet. He didn’t want to think about all those mornings he woke up to that soft smile and brown eyes looking at him with so much lust and fondness. He didn’t want to think about the first time he saw Dan drunk and how he was a flirty little shit and a fumbling mess, but a beautiful fumbling mess. He didn’t want to think about the times where they were more than just “mates”.


	2. Chapter Two

“So how’s the family?”

“They’re good. Still ask about you,” Phil shrugged and looked down at the city from his view on the balcony. He and Dan had separated from their group and made their way outside where it was a little quieter. “How about yours?”

“The same, I guess.” Dan stood beside Phil now and leaned against the railing. “How have you been?”

“Guess.”

“Amazing?” Phil rolled his eyes and Dan giggled. “Sorry, sorry.”

“It’s fine. I’ve missed your teasing.”

“Is that all you’ve missed?” Dan dropped his voice low and leaned in closer to Phil, leaving only a few centimeters of space between them. God, he’s missed being this close to him. So close he can smell his shower gel and aftershave. It was intoxicating.

“No. That’s not all.” Phil looked at Dan from the corner of his eye but averted his gaze. He didn’t want to get drawn in. Not yet.

“What else?”

“Not what. Who.”

Dan sighs and lets his head fall back, closing his eyes. “I”ve missed you too, Phil. Screw 2016, I’ve spent the majority of my adult life with one person and that’s you. And frankly, I don’t want to spend it with anyone else.”

“Yeah? Then why did you?”

“It was one night. And one mistake.”

“Was it a mistake before or only after I found out?” Phil turned his head to look at him now and Dan shivered and felt his knees go weak. There’s something about being under that gaze that makes him lose his composure.

“Do you still love me?”

“You didn’t answer my question.”

“You didn’t answer mine.”

“I don’t know what it is about you,” Phil said with a sigh, shaking his head. “Like breathing… I do it because I need to and I think I love you because I need to not necessarily because I want to. Because for the last six months, I didn’t want to do either of those things.”

“I'm hard to love, huh?”

“No. Loving you is easy. It's natural. Not loving you is hard work.”

“Could've sworn it was the other way around.”

“Did he tell you that?”

Dan bit down on his bottom lip then shrugged and looked back up at the sky, his back against the railing and arms resting on the bar. “He sure as hell didn't tell me otherwise. No one ever has. Only you.”

“Dammit, Dan. Why the hell did you sleep with him?” Phil’s voice came out angry but broken. “Why him? Why Marcus — of all people — why someone I know?”

Dan swallowed hard and didn't move. He couldn't look at Phil now because he knew there were tears in his eyes by the way his voice cracked. He didn't know what to say.

“I thought… I wasn't sure-”

“Wasn't sure of what?!”

“I had never been with anyone but you, Phil! I didn't know-”

“If you were missing out on something better?”

“I-”

“Was he better?”

“Phil…”

“Did he make you scream? Did you cum? Did you tell him that you love him?”  

“I-”

“Did he know about me? Us? Or did you tell him we were just mates?”

Dan was starting to feel nauseous and rubbed at his face, trying to keep the bile down as much as his emotions.

“Dan, don't shut down on me now. I want to know. I deserve to know,” Phil demanded.

“You're only hurting yourself, Phil.”

“No. _You_ hurt _me_. I played no part in it.”

“So it didn't hurt you to say you hate me?” Dan suddenly felt angry, which is usually the emotion he turns to when he doesn't want to feel vulnerable. He closed the space that had found its way between them and was glaring straight into his eyes. “It didn't hurt to watch me leave?”

“You _chose_ to leave!”

“You let me! And then you let me crawl right back into Marcus’ bed again and again and-”

“Shut up!” Phil shoved Dan away from him. “Don't you think I know that?! Don't you think I wanted you to stay? Don't you think I wanted to go to his house and bring you home?”

“Then why didn't you?!”

“Because I was mad at you!”

“For six months?” Dan scoffed. “And you aren't the type to hold a grudge, yeah?”

“You _slept_ with someone else.”

“We weren't even out!”

“Well excuse me for thinking I didn't have to open the glass closet since our fans already did it for us! What does it matter if anyone else knew we were in a relationship? _You_ knew what we were, Dan.”

“I'm sorry,” Dan said, dropping his pride. “I hurt you. I fucked up and I’m sorry.”

“This is the first time you've apologized to me, do you know that?” Phil lowered his voice as well and took a breath.

“Do you forgive me?”

“What makes you think I haven't already?” Phil chuckled quietly and sat down, resting his face in his hand. Dan chewed on his lip again and then sat down in front of him as well, tracing circles on the floor with his finger.

“I wouldn't,” he whispered under his breath, eyes on the ground.

“Well, luckily I'm not you. I do forgive you. And I do still love you. I love you when you fuck up and when you try to make things right and when you're wrong and when you refuse to admit that you're wrong.” Dan rolled his eyes, but a faint smile was forming on his lips. “Before I loved you because you were treacherous. You were dangerous in a way that was exciting and almost poetic. I love you now in spite of that.” Phil took Dan’s hand in his, squeezing gently.

“Are you trying to say I've lost my spark?” Dan laughed and laced his fingers with the man sitting across from him. He felt as though he was melting in those deep blue-green eyes.

“You could never. I’m just familiar with the spark now, so I won’t get burned.”

 


	3. Chapter Three

It’s been roughly two weeks since Chris’ party; two weeks since Dan and Phil started talking again. They’ve been texting each other every day, though Phil has been careful to steer clear of any heavy topics that might come up and instead keep it lighthearted. He was in the middle of sorting through his filming props when he heard the click of the lock of his front door. 

“Phiiiiil,” Dan whined as he came in, shutting the door behind him.

“Why the hell do you still have the key to my apartment,” Phil asked as he made his way into the lounge to greet the familiar intruder.

“Maybe because it was once  _ our _ apartment.” Dan scoffed and looked around, noting the scattered boxes around the flat. “Wow, who knew Philly was so sentimental. Took you this long to want to pack up my stuff, eh?” He opened up one of the boxes and pulled out an old tee shirt. “And yours?” 

Phil rolled his eyes, snatching the shirt from him and tossing it back in the box. “Why are you here?”

“Why are you packing?” Dan furrowed his brows and crossed his arms. “Are you moving?”

“Yes, but that’s none of your business and I’m busy. So please go now. And next time call before you show up. It’s polite.” Phil went back to his room where he had left the stuff he was working on packing up. Dan simply rolled his eyes and followed him anyway.

“You can’t just move out of the apartment and not tell me!”

“Why? You don’t live here anymore.”

“Yeah I do!”

Phil gave him a look of both confusion and mild annoyance.

“In spirit! Phil, we have so many memories here. This is our home.” Dan ran his fingertips along the doorframe to Phil’s room.

“Was our home. Not anymore.”

Dan sighed and glanced over to his old room. “Did you already pack up my stuff?” He asked as he made his way over to the door.

“Dan, no-” Phil tried to stop him before he could open the door, but it was too late. Dan’s eyes widened in surprise. 

“It looks how I left it…” Dan’s voice fell soft and his eyes teared up slightly; he cleared his throat. “So Philly really is a sentimental little shit.”

Phil couldn’t stop the small smile that formed on his lips, but he did drag Dan out of the room; shutting the door. “Enough. Either go or help me pack.” 

“I’ll help!” Dan plopped himself on the floor and started untangling some of the wires that Phil needed. “So where are you moving to?” He asked after a few minutes.

“Brighton.”

“House?”

“Duplex.”

“Alone?”

“No, with my secret wife. Yes, alone.”

“Sounds depressing.”

“I’ll get a dog.”

“You wouldn’t.”

“I will.”

“Without me?”

“Well, taking care of two dogs sounds like a lot of work.”

Dan shoved Phil, making him laugh. “Asshole. We said we’d get a dog together.”

“We also said we’d stay together forever. Things don’t always turn out how we want.”

“I think they do.”

“Yeah? How?”

“Well, I’m here now."


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> there will be smut in this fic eventually, im just hinting at it rn~

After Dan decided it was okay to show up uninvited once, he assumed it would be okay to do it again and again… and again. He also assumed Phil was joking when he said calling in advance would be polite because of course Phil would be happy to see him, even if he pretends otherwise. This time however was different. It was the middle of the night and he couldn’t sleep. The couch he was sleeping on was uncomfortable and it was too warm for a blanket, but he felt too exposed without it and he was lonely. God, he was lonely. And he missed Phil. But he only ever showed up unannounced during the day, not at 2am. Still, he was dressed and walking down the pavement to the flat he used to share with Phil. He sent him a courtesy text reading, “I can’t sleep. Be there in 10” followed by some silly emojis. He was only slightly disheartened when he didn’t get a reply; Phil must be sleeping.

He entered the flat as quietly as possible; kicking his shoes off at the door and tossing his jacket on the coat hanger. He slid his socked feet along the floor to make the least amount of noise and carefully opened the door to his room, but paused. He listened intently and could hear Phil’s snoring coming from the other room. Slowly he turned around and made his way in. Careful to not wake him, Dan climbed into Phil’s bed; sighing as he breathed in the familiar scent of his favorite person. He rested his head on the pillow and tried to lay as still as possible when Phil began to stir. 

“Dan?” Phil’s voice sounded soft, yet there was sleep induced roughness to it that always turned Dan on.

“Hey,” he whispered back and Phil shifted closer, putting his arm around his waist and then pulling back. 

“Why are you dressed?”

Dan was thankful it was so dark in the room because he was sure his face turned beet red. “Oh, um… hold on.” He struggled, but quickly took off his pants and jumper, laying back against the cool sheets before Phil pulled him back in.

“Mm, that’s better,” Phil mumbled against the back of his shoulder then buried his face into the side of his neck. Dan sucked in a breath when Phil’s nose brushed against the sensitive spot on his neck and instinctively shifted backwards to press against Phil. 

“ _ Phil… _ ”

“Shh, not now.” Phil’s hand trailed down Dan’s side, squeezing his hip before resting his palm on his lower stomach. “I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too.” Dan’s whisper came out broken and he bit down on his lip. He was feeling it now - the sexual frustration that’s been building up since the last time he shared this bed with Phil. The urge to push Phil’s hand down further was overwhelming. “ _ Phil _ .”

“I know,” he mumbled back. His pinky dipping below the waistband of his boxers and his own frustration was pressing against Dan’s lower back now. “But not now.”

Dan couldn’t stop himself, he let out a small whine and bucked his hips yet allowed himself to soften under his touch. Phil pressed kisses along Dan’s shoulder then up his neck, stopping behind his ear. 

“G’night, Danny.”

“Night, Philly."


	5. Chapter Five

Dan arched his back, stretching his limbs as he yawned. The sun was too bright on his face even with the curtains closed and he turned over, hoping to hide in the comfort of his best friend. Instead he found messy sheets and a cold pillow.

“Phil…?”

“Relax, I’m still here.” Phil entered the room, towel drying his hair. “Go back to sleep if you want.”

Dan grunted then whined softly, reaching his hands out to Phil. He was too tired and grumpy to understand why they were not snuggling like they were last night at this moment. Phil could only roll his eyes, but climbed back into bed anyway. 

“You’re always so needy in the morning,” Phil said with a chuckle as Dan cuddled into him, his head on his chest. He only grunted in response. “Also not as articulate as usual.” He combed his fingers through his curls then rubbed down his bare back. His breathing began to even out again as he drifted into unconsciousness, his mind calming due to Phil’s touches. 

 

* * *

 

When he woke up, he was pleased to find he was still snuggled into Phil. He turned his head up to look at him and noticed he was reading a book. He bumped his nose against his chin to get his attention.

“Hi.”

“Finally decided to wake up, yeah?”

Dan smirked and then shifted so he was laying directly on top of him. “Wide awake!”

“I can see that.” Phil shut his book, setting it down. “Yet you’re still on top of me.”

“So? Don’t act like you haven’t missed this.” Dan wiggled his body and Phil laughed.

“Dan! Cut it out!”

Dan smiled brightly in response, his dimple deepening — Phil couldn’t resist the urge to poke it. “Hey! Don’t poke Derek!”

“You’re so weird,” Phil laughed, sticking out his tongue. Dan leaned forward to brush his lips against his and Phil swallowed hard. He began to lightly push him off. “Dan, no…”

“Why not? You kissed me last night…” Dan furrowed his brows, looking down at him confused.

“I know, but—”

“But what?”

“I just don’t want to rush this.”

“How would we be rushing anything, Phil? It’s not like we’ve never kissed before.”

“That’s not what I meant and you know that.”

“No, tell me what you mean,” Dan said sitting up. He adjusted himself so he was straddling his waist.

“I just…” Phil sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I don’t want to just forgive you then act like what you did never happened.”

“I thought you already forgave me.”

“I did! But… you let someone else… touch you, Dan, and I—”

“You’re disgusted by me now? Is that what this is actually about? You think I’m tainted goods? Seriously. Fuck you, Phil.” Dan moved to get off of Phil angrily, but he grabbed his arm.

“Dan, that is not what I’m saying. I’m just trying to say I need time, okay? That’s all. I could never be disgusted by you so don’t ever refer to yourself like that again.” He moved his hands to cup his face, looking into his eyes then leaned in to bring their lips together. Dan melted into his touch.

“‘M sorry, I swore at you again.”

“I know, it’s okay. I should’ve been more clear.”

“I shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions.”

“Hey,” Phil interrupted him, bumping their noses together. “Actually shut up.” 

Dan smiled and pressed their lips together again, pushing Phil back down against the bed as they kissed.


	6. Chapter Six

Despite Phil’s protest in the beginning, they made out for at least twenty minutes. It was awkward at moments, trying to control where their hands wandered, but once Dan began pressing against Phil’s thigh and rutting his hips — they knew they had to stop.

“Dan,” Phil moaned with a squeeze to the younger man’s hips.

“I know,” he groaned in response. “Just let me— ugh,” he groaned again and rolled off. “I hate you.” 

Phil huffed and smacked him with a pillow then got out of bed. 

“What! Too soon?” Dan laughed and followed Phil to the kitchen. His arms slipped around his waist naturally, while Phil prepared breakfast. “You still eat my cereal too?” 

“Shut up, Dan.”

He chuckled softly into the older man’s hair, nuzzling his nose into it. “I’ve missed waking up to this. Your messy hair, your soft lips, our banter. And especially  _ this _ ,” he whispered, slipping his hand into Phil’s boxers.

“Danny,” Phil moaned, letting his head fall back. 

He smirked and kissed his neck then grabbed the bowl of cereal and slipped away, running to the lounge. “Also missed my Crunchy Nut!”

“You stole  _ my _ cereal?  _ Really _ ?”

“This was mine and you know it!”

Phil smiled to himself, fixing himself another bowl and then joining him on the sofa. Dan was already picking out an anime to watch. He settled on Rick & Morty and then stretched himself out on the sofa, kicking Phil by accident. 

“Oops,” he blushed and Phil glared at him playfully. He smiled cheekily and then wiggled his toes underneath Phil’s thigh. Phil didn’t mind, he knew how important the little touches were to Dan. He needed them to stay grounded or else he’d get lost and carried away in his sea of endless thoughts and worries. “Philly?”

“Yeah?”

“When you move, can I come see the place?”

Phil knew that was a loaded question, despite being framed as something innocent. He knew that Dan was likely still staying with Marcus or couchsurfing at least and he felt awful about it. Though the possibility of him still sleeping with Marcus made him angry. He couldn’t make the same mistake twice; couldn’t allow Dan to crawl back into bed with him when he should be home.

“Phil?”

“Yeah, you can come. You have to pick out your room anyway.”

Dan smiled brightly and wiggled his toes again happily. “Seriously? You’re going to let me stay?”

“On one condition.”

“Which is?”

“I get the big room,” Phil paused, thinking. “And I get to name the dog.”


	7. Chapter Seven

Phil did not get the big room. 

Neither of them did, actually. Instead the big room was turned into the gaming room and the second biggest room _of_ _course_ became Dan’s room. That left Phil with the smallest room in the new flat, which meant all of his stuff was going to be in Dan’s room.

“Hey! Your colors are going to ruin my aesthetic!”

“Why do you get the big room? This is  _ my _ apartment!”

“ _ Our _ apartment!”

Phil threw himself onto the bed face first and Dan let himself fall on top of him. “Get off,” Phil whined. “Too heavy.”

“Are you trying to tell me I’ve gained weight, Phil?”

“You have. Looks good. But you’re crushing me.”

Dan simply huffed and hugged Phil’s back. “Why do we need separate rooms anyway? Isn’t just one bedroom enough?”

“What will the fans think?”

“They don’t even know that you and I are talking to each other again. Once they find that out, they’ll be thinking a lot of things.”

“All of which will be posted in the comments of our new videos.”

“And asked in our live show chat logs, but so what? I don’t care what they think, Phil. They don’t have to know what our new place looks like. We don’t have to do a house tour.” Dan rolled off him to lay beside him and Phil turned over onto his back. “We can make that small ass room your set. Like a prop for your props. And you can stay in here. With me. Forever.”

Phil shoved at Dan lightly then sighed. “I guess, I could do that. But we’re gonna have to brighten this place up!”

“Oh dear, why? When you are the literal sun, how could it possibly get anymore brighter?” They both laughed and Phil leaned over to press kisses all over Dan’s freckled face. 

“Must be spending too much time around me then. Look at all these freckles!”

“Oh, fuck off!” Dan laughed and held onto Phil’s shirt instead of pushing him away. He closed his eyes to enjoy the kisses, a blush staining his dimpled cheeks. Somewhere on the floor, a phone was vibrating and Phil broke away to lean over the edge of the bed to pick it up. It was Dan’s phone and he had just missed a call, but a text just came through from the same person. The name on the screen made his stomach churn. 

“Why is Marcus calling you?” He sat up and Dan did the same, reaching for his phone.

“I have some clothes left at his place.”

“Unlock your phone.”

“Why?”

“I want to know what that text said.”

“Phil-”

“Do it.”

“You don’t trust me?”

“I don’t have to. You don’t get to question my trust when you’re the one who broke it.”

“I _think_ you have to trust someone to _move_ _in_ with them, Phil.” Dan started climbing out of bed. “Let alone _love_ them.”

“I don’t need a lecture on trust from someone who didn’t know what to do with it when he had it,” Phil snapped back. 

Dan clenched his jaw angrily and unlocked his phone, showing Phil the text.

_ "Please move ur stuff out of the guest room, thnx" _

Phil’s eyes scanned over the text on the screen and he felt his pride faulter. “I’m sorry…”

“Whatever, Phil.” Dan sighed and shoved his phone in his pocket, leaving the room.

“Where are you going,” Phil called after him, unable to disguise the worry in his voice.

“To pick up my shit.”


	8. Chapter Eight

Dan fumbled with his keys to Marcus’ apartment, trying to unlock the door only for it to be opened abruptly by Marcus himself.

“Dan! Where the hell have you been?” Marcus pecked his lips then walked passed him to dispose of the trash he was getting rid of. “I texted you because I needed you to move your crap out of the guest room. You know my parents will be visiting soon, can’t have your shit taking up space.”

“Um, yeah,” Dan said, standing awkwardly. “I know. But, uh, about that…”

“I just folded your clothes and placed them in my drawer. I know how adamant you were at first about having your own space, but we’re a real couple, Dan. Not whatever the hell you and Phil were.”

“Marcus—”

“I hate to bring him up, but I had to make my point.” Marcus walked back inside the apartment and into the kitchen. Dan shut the front door with a sigh behind him and sat himself down at the breakfast bar.

“Marcus, we need to talk.”

“If this is about me making you sleep on the couch,” Marcus said with a sigh. “I couldn’t handle another hour of your ‘everything is pointless, nothing we do truly has meaning’ episodes. They’re emotionally and mentally exhausting.”

“Yeah, I can imagine,” Dan muttered, rolling his eyes. “But that’s not what I wanted to talk about.”

“ _For_ _once_. Good.” Marcus took the dinner out of the oven and gave him a smile. “Have I told you how much I love those freckles of yours?”

Dan couldn’t help but blush at that, although if he had a choice he wouldn’t have. “No, not that I can recall, Marky.”

Marcus laughed at the nickname and leaned over the counter to press a kiss to Dan’s lips. “After we eat, how about I make it up to you for making you sleep on the sofa last night?”

“Tempting,” Dan smirked. He felt his phone vibrate in his back pocket. “But no thanks. That’s not why I’m here. In fact, I have dinner waiting for me somewhere else.”

“Dan, what are you talking about?” Marcus made his way around the breakfast bar and Dan rose from his stool.

“This just isn’t working out. I realized that I made a mistake and I’ve been given the opportunity to make things right again. I can’t pass it up.”

“You got back together with Phil,” he said bluntly. “I heard he got a place in Brighton. He got it with you, didn’t he?”

Dan stood quiet, biting the inside of his cheek.

“Didn’t he?!” Marcus ran a hand through his hair angrily. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. I took your ass in when he left you homeless and you go crawling back to him anyway?”

“Oh, fuck off. As if I wasn’t just your fuck toy,” Dan said exasperated and made his way to the main bedroom. He grabbed his suitcase and began going through his drawers to pack up his belongings.

“Shouldn’t a fuck toy be actually good at fucking?”

Dan paused for a moment then continued packing. He let the words roll off his back, trying to pay Marcus no mind anymore.

“What? Did you realize you were in love with Phil now? You think he’ll sleep with you? He won’t want to fuck you after knowing where you’ve been, Dan. Should I send him the pictures?”

Dan shot up and felt his hands turn to fists. “What pictures?”

“You know what bloody pictures I’m talking about, Dan.”

“You swore you didn’t take any…”

“I fucking lied. Just like you probably lied to Phil before you came here.” Marcus approached Dan to snatch his key from him. “When you went to go see him last night, did he know I fucked you just hours before?”

“How did you…”

“Try turning your location off, asshole. Now get the fuck out of my place.”

Dan swallowed thickly, his fingers feeling stiff as he uncurled them to zip up his luggage and drag it out with him. He bumped Marcus’ shoulder as he walked passed him and out of his flat. He didn’t stop walking until a few minutes after breathing in the thick London air. He took deep breaths, closing his eyes for a moment, then felt around in his pocket for his phone.

 

_I’m making stir fry for dinner. Be home soon?_

_I’m sorry for what I said. I want to trust you_

_I love you_

_I put the leftovers away. Come home soon? The new place is dark and scary without you here_

 

Dan felt the tears building up in his eyes and he allowed them to fall, not even bothering to wipe them away. Phil deserved someone so much better than the man that he actually is. He could only hope that Phil would never realize that.

 

* * *

 

Once again Dan found himself leaving his shoes by the front door. Trying to be quiet as he set his luggage down and made his way up the flight of stairs. He was still sniffling, tears never ceasing and undressed as he walked. Hesitantly he climbed into the bed he shared with Phil, not being careful to not wake him.

“Phil? Phillll,” Dan whimpered and bumped his head against the other man gently. “Phil, I’m so sorry…”

“Shh, shhh. I’ve got you.” Phil embraced him, immediately pulling him against his chest and combing his fingers through his hair. He was wide awake and waiting for him to come home; only feeling relief when he heard him stumble in through the front door and up the stairs. “I’ve got you, babyboy. It’s going to be okay. We’re going to be okay.”


	9. Chapter Nine

He held and rocked Dan for a while, until his sobbing subsided and he could hear the soft snoring in his ear. Dan didn’t usually snore, but his crying must have made his nose stuffy. Phil fell asleep not long after, however, he couldn’t shake the thought that Dan must have been crying for some reason other than being overcome with guilt about what happened. Something must have occurred when he went back to Marcus’ place.

* * *

 

Dan began to stir, the sunlight shining into the room irritating his face and he grumbled under his breath. He sighed in contentment once the light disappeared, not noticing that Phil had lifted the blanket to cover his head. It was moments like this where Phil was reminded that not much has changed after all. Dan was still the same boy he fell in love with almost a decade earlier except he’s a little taller now and uses his straighteners less. Phil pressed a kiss into Dan’s curls before getting out of bed. He went to brush his teeth then headed downstairs where he noticed the suitcase laying haphazardly on the floor and picked it up, carrying it back to the room. He took his time unloading it, putting everything in it’s place. Once he was done, he made his way to the kitchen to make breakfast. He decided to surprise Dan with some American style pancakes. Carefully, he carried the readied tray up to their bedroom where Dan was already rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, his nose scrunching up in the cutest way possible.

“Good morning, sleepyhead,” Phil said with a smile. Dan’s face lit up.

“Morning, Philly. Are those pancakes?”

“Yes! Thought it’d be nice to eat in bed,” Phil exclaimed as he carefully got back on the bed with the tray; wary of spilling everything. Dan was quick to help out, settling the tray between them as he sat up and immediately began eating. “You seem hungry. Did you not eat dinner last night?”

Dan hesitated then shook his head, not looking up from his plate. “Nuh uh.”

“Did you see my texts?”

“Mhm,” he said with a nod. He didn’t really want to talk about last night, though he knew Phil wasn’t going to just let it go.

“Hey,” Phil said softly. He placed his fingertips under Dan’s chin, lifting his head up. “You can talk to me, bear. I’ve already forgiven you and in the texts I told you that I want to trust you. I’m trying my best. But this won’t work if you shut me out.”

Looking into Phil’s eyes during moments like this made Dan feel like he was drowning. His chest tightened and he felt unable to speak, averting his gaze again. He took in a shaky breath. 

“I didn’t break things off with Marcus.” Dan didn’t notice that Phil was holding his hand until he felt the gentle squeeze. “At least not until yesterday when I went to pick up my stuff.” He could see Phil’s nod out of the corner of his eye, encouraging him to continue. “He wasn’t exactly happy about it and, um….” Dan’s voice trailed off, not knowing how talk through his embarrassment. 

“Dan, it’s okay. It’s just me.” Phil lifted Dan’s hand up and kissed his palm then each of his fingers. “You can tell me anything.”

He didn’t know how but tears began to roll down his cheeks; he thought he’d run out after the amount of crying he did last night. He wiped at his eyes and took another deep breath before speaking.

“He said he would send you these pictures of me…”

“Okay?”

“I-I don’t think he’ll just send them to you…”

“You think he’ll post them online?”

Dan nodded quickly, a choked sob escaping his throat just at the thought of it.

“What are the pictures of exactly,” Phil inquired.

Dan pulled his hand away from his grip, tugging his sleeves down and wiping at his eyes. “It’s so embarrassing, Phil.”

“Daniel, I’ve seen you do some pretty cringy stuff over the years. Whatever it is, it won’t faze me.” Phil was trying to make Dan laugh at the very least, but he only shook his head.

“No, Phil. The pictures… they’re of me in lingerie… and makeup… and s-some were taken while he and I were having…,” he sniffled then buried his face in his hands. “I’m sorry. I-I’m not m-making this easy for y-you…”

“Dan, this isn’t suppose to be easy.” Phil took his hands away from his face, intertwining their fingers together. “You don’t have to be sorry for this.”

“It’s only karma, isn’t it? I broke your trust so he broke mine.”

“No. Aren’t you the one who doesn’t believe in karma anyway? These two things are completely unrelated, you don’t deserve this. You don’t deserve to be blackmailed by someone you thought cared about you.”

“I knew he didn’t care about me, Phil. I just didn’t think—”

“He could do something so awful?”

Dan could only nod and Phil wiped at his cheeks with his thumbs before leaning over and kissing him gently. 

“I love you, Daniel. We’ll get through this together. Remember that promise I made to you in 2012?” Dan felt his cheeks go red and he nodded. “I’m still holding up my end of it. You protected me. It's my turn to protect you.”


	10. Chapter Ten

“No, not that one! That one!”

Phil let out a frustrated sigh. “Dan, if you don’t make up your mind…” Dan laughed and took the gummy bears from Phil, opening the package to eat some. He fed two to Phil, who now couldn’t help but smile as well. “You’re such a child.”

“I know,” Dan nodded proudly. “Can we bake brownies tonight?”

“But I want cookies,” Phil pouted.

“Fine. Cookies it is.”

“Whatever Phil wants, Phil gets,” Phil hummed to himself as he turned the shopping cart into the next isle.

“Shut up,” Dan said, rolling his eyes. “Wait, wait! Go back!”

Now it was Phil’s turn to roll his eyes as he begrudgingly backed up the shopping cart. “Daaan,” Phil whined. “This cart is getting heavy with you on it the more groceries we add. You’re killing me here.”

“Work those biceps, Philly! Oh, look!” Dan grabbed a bag of dog food. “Which one do you think Truman will like?”

“First of all, _I’m_ naming the dog and I’m not naming it Truman. Secondly, I have no clue. And we don’t even have a dog yet,” Phil said with a laugh and took the bag from him, placing it back on the shelf. “Now stop touching things and hold on.”

Dan laughed and tightened his grip on the cart as Phil did a light run, steering them to where the baking ingredients were.

 

* * *

 

Things have slowly been getting better between them. Or at least returning to normal. Despite, Marcus’ threat, nothing has been released to the public (yet) or sent to Phil. This made them feel relieved in a way, however, Dan was still worried about how incriminating the photos were. He tried not to think about it, which turned out to not be that hard as long as Phil was around.

“Dan, get in here! I need you to finish editing this gaming video.”

Dan groaned, making his way into the gaming room. “But whyyyyy when I can just finish it tomorrow?”

“Because it’s the first video we’ve done together in 7 months. I want it up by tonight.”

Dan grunted, sitting down reluctantly and began working on the video. After a few minutes, he looked over at Phil who was busy typing up video ideas and smiled to himself, tugging Phil closer by the seat of his chair.

“Hey!”

Dan simply patted his lap in response and Phil lifted his legs up, placing them on Dan’s lap and went back to typing. Dan hated space between him and Phil; always longing for some kind of touch from him. Although, right now he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t longing for something more intimate.

“Do you have any idea how attractive you are?”

Phil blushed slightly and smiled to himself, not looking up from his screen. “I have an idea, yes.”

Dan chuckled and placed his hands on Phil’s legs, giving them a gentle squeeze before starting to massage his feet. “Do you have any idea how much I love you?”

“Edit the video, Daniel.”

“I didn’t rebrand just so you could use my full name against me, Philip,” Dan said with a glare.

“Right. You rebranded just so you could make your shitposts sound philosophical.”

“Exactly.” They both laughed in unison and Phil leaned forward to press his lips against his.

“I love you too. Very much.”

“Show me.”

Phil’s brows furrowed at what Dan was suggesting. He kissed him again, this time deeper and with more urgency. His hands coming up to rest on the sides of Dan’s neck and he felt and heard him moan into the kiss.

“ _Phil_ , _please_.”

“We can’t yet,” Phil whispered against his soft lips. Surprisingly they weren’t chapped for once.

“But I’ve been _so_ _good_.”

Hearing those words almost made Phil’s wall crumble. Almost. “I’m not ready yet.”

Dan took a breath and nodded. “Okay. Cuddles after video is up?”

“Yes, bear.” They both smiled and sat back, returning to their own projects.


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the wait! ive started working two jobs and now i have no free time :( plus ive started studying for the fall term but!!! i will not leave this unfinished dw
> 
> p.s. there is smut in this chappie, yw xxx

They were out having dinner when it happened. Dan was suppose to be having a live show in about two hours and Phil was planning on joining him. They were discussing what they would say about their break when Dan got the text from Louise.

“Dan have you seen this? Tell me this is just an edit”

The text was followed by a photo of Dan; curls long enough to graze his cheekbones, eyes framed with a black wing and rose gold eyeshadow. His lips glossed with a sheer pink tint and cheeks blushed and highlighted. His eyes were closed and mouth slightly parted, an expression of bliss on his face. His back was arched and his hands handcuffed at the wrists above his head. He was wearing pink lace panties with cross-crossing black straps across his hips and a matching lace bralette covered his chest. There were freckles and hickeys covering his body.

 The image was literally breathtaking. However, for Daniel, not in the extraordinary way.

 A moment later, before Dan could even process what was on his screen, Phil’s phone dinged with a new message. In an instant his own phone was flooded with photos of Dan from an unsaved number — one in which he recognized.

 “Dan,” Phil said steadily, reaching across the table to grab Dan’s hand. “We should go.”

He didn't look up; could only nod as Phil gestured to the waiter for the check.

 

* * *

 

The über ride home felt like a blur. Dan had to shut his phone off because the texts and tweets he was getting was unbearable. It's been almost two hours since the pictures release and still, he hasn't said a word. Phil knew not to push him, knew he would talk when he was ready. But he also knew how easy Dan tends to shut down, shut out, and disappear. Physically he could still be here, but his mind would be elsewhere. So far away that even his touch would be vacant.

However, he just got Dan back. He was not about to lose him again. This time, Phil took matters into his own hands.

_“Unfortunately, tonight's live show is being postponed. Tonight someone that was once considered a friend violated not just our privacy, but our trust. The pictures that are being circulated were pictures taken and released without consent. Please do not post or share the link to these images out of respect. Regardless, we will be resuming our normal upload schedule and live show schedule next week. We thank you for your continued support that is very much needed at this time.”_

The statement was released on both their twitter accounts, as well as their tumblrs, facebooks, and Instagram accounts. Phil knew that this time around they couldn't just ignore it, they had to confront it and deal with it publicly. Now that the post was up, it was time for them to deal with it in private.

 “Hey,” Phil whispered as he carefully entered the bedroom. Dan was laying on his stomach, blanket pulled up and eyes staring at the wall. He said nothing. “I took care of it.”

“You can't make it go away, Phil.” His voice didn't sound angry nor sad, just monotone and dry.

“I know,” Phil said with a sigh, climbing into bed. “I can't make it go away, but we're going to be okay. You're going to be okay.”

“I will never escape those pictures. What happens when and if my grandmother sees? My parents? My brother?”

“We can let them know ahead of time.”

Dan sighed heavily and squeezed his eyes shut. His heart was starting to beat faster and his hands felt clammy; his anxiety was kicking in.

“I know you're scared, but you're not alone anymore,” Phil said and took his hand in his own. He started massaging his knuckles to calm him. “This isn't like last time. I know how to take control of the situation.”

“How?” Dan inquired, eyes opening only to squint at his boyfriend.

“Well, first we confront it in a serious way. Which we did — the statement. Next we deal with it seriously but in private, which is why I already contacted our lawyers. And then we have to talk about it. Like when our fans ask us. Because they will. And when they do, we say the same thing. It wasn't consensual, it was not okay, and we make it into a learning experience. And then maybe — _maybe_ — when you're ready, we can joke about it.”

Dan swallowed thickly, eyes searching Phil’s face though he wasn't sure for what. He could feel the tension leaving his hands and his heart rate slowing down again, but once more he felt at a loss for words. He nodded slowly then scooted closer, resting his head on Phil’s chest and shutting his eyes.

“I told you I'd take care of it. I promised. Now let me take care of _you_.” Phil pressed a kiss into his hair, pulling his body closer. He tilted Dan’s head up gently and their eyes met for a split second before their lips did and what started as a soft, comforting kiss turned into a hair-pulling and lip-biting kiss. Dan shifted his weight on top of Phil, tugging at his bottom lip with his teeth while pressing his own pelvis into his. The moans coming from Phil just fueled Dan’s desires, making him not more aggressive, but _needy_.

Phil flipped them over suddenly and sat up to pull off his shirt. Dan quickly mirrored his actions, taking it one step further by tugging off his shorts in unison with his boxers. He was already feeling so vulnerable and exposed and it had nothing to do with the lack of underwear. He wanted — no, _needed_ — Phil to make it better. He always makes it better.

He heard Phil’s breath stall while he looked at Dan’s naked body. He couldn't stop himself when he whimpered and shuddered under his gaze. Phil trailed his fingertips down his abdomen then back up to his chest, grazing over one of his nipples with his thumb and resting his other hand on one of Dan’s eager hips.

“I love you,” Dan whispered, finally finding his voice.

Phil’s fingertips made their way up Dan's throat and Phil had to remind himself that now was not the time to make a fist. Maybe another night, when Dan is needing something different. But not tonight, not when he's like this. He cupped his jaw and lowered himself down again, bringing their lips together and he felt Dan respond immediately. Their tongues clashed together and Dan’s legs spread, allowing Phil between them.

“ _Please_ ,” Dan whined. He sounded so needy, so youthful and almost angelic. This time it was enough to wreck Phil’s walls.

“I told you to let me take care of you.” Phil pressed a kiss to Dan’s dimple then kissed the rest of the way down his body, stopping at his favorite spots. Like Dan’s sensitive nipples and the slight dip in his chest then down to his belly button and the curve of his hips. He was careful to only leave marks where they will be hidden and not too dark that they won't fade easily. He took his time on Dan’s inner thighs, he always enjoyed being this close in proximity to Dan’s cock. He also enjoyed teasing Dan, who bucked his hips up in honest distress. Phil smiled to himself and began placing wet kisses around Dan’s erection, not minding that the man hadn't shaved in a few days. His tongue found his base and he licked up the shaft, tracing the most prominent vein that sent a wave of pleasure through Dan’s entire body.

“Oh _god_ , Phil…”

His lips moved back down, leaving more wet kisses but this time to his balls. He took his time, knowing how much Dan loved this, as he sucked and licked gently yet with just the right amount of pressure. He knew this body like he knew his own. Soon enough, his lips were around the tip of Dan’s cock and he was swirling his tongue around it. He pressed his tongue against the slit, lapping at the pre-cum before taking him further into his mouth. He bobbed his head slowly at first then fell into a rhythm. Dan was never one to hold back. His moans were loud and fervent and Phil had to use a hand to still his hips while his other hand massaged his balls. He could feel Dan getting close by the stiffening of his cock, but he didn't slow his movements. Instead he moved faster, moaning around him and squeezing his balls. That's all it took for his mouth to fill with Dan’s cum, his cock throbbing in Phil’s throat as his hips stuttered.

“ _P-Phil_! O-Oh, oh my god… _fuck_ …”

Phil swallowed around him, pulling away slowly only to lap at his softening cock a few times to make sure he left no trace of what just happened behind. He crawled upwards, laying beside Dan as he gently traced circles on his hips, making Dan shiver.

“C’mere,” Dan mumbled once he caught his breath and rolled over into his boyfriend’s chest. His arms slipped around him, eyes falling shut. “I love you.”

“And I, you.” Phil rubbed soothingly up and down his back, slowing his movements once Dan’s breathing evened out and he fell asleep. He nuzzled his nose into the brunette’s curls, inhaling the familiar scent and closed his eyes. “So much.”


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soz, idk why i always got dan crying?? like boi get out ur feels damn

Phil slowly woke to the sound of voices not too far away. The clouded sky casting only slight rays through the curtains, leaving no room for doubt that Phil was waking up completely alone. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes, yawning and stretching his back. 

“I know, mum. I'm sorry.”

The voice was Dan’s and he sounded sad. Not ready to get up, Phil stayed where he was and listened. 

“Don't apologize, Daniel, it isn't your fault. Hopefully he'll be facing consequences for his actions. He shouldn't get away with what he did.”

“Phil contacted our lawyer already,” Dan said with a sigh. He could feel himself getting choked up. “I wish I never left Phil for him. I was so stupid.”

“You weren't stupid. We can only know someone as well as they allow us to. You didn't know Marcus would do that. I'm sure if you suspected as such, you wouldn't have been with him.”

“But I knew Phil would never do that to me. He would never hurt me yet I left him. The one person who knows me better than myself and loves me unconditionally I left him.” Dan was starting to sob quietly. 

“Oh, bear,” his mother hushed him gently. “You're right, Phil does love you unconditionally. Was he mad when he found out about the pictures?”

“N-No, well… yes, um, maybe?”

“At you?”

“No, at Marcus.”

“Right. Because he loves you, Daniel. No matter what you do, how many mistakes you might make or unfortunate situations you find yourself in, he's going to love you anyway. You found someone who loves you just the way you are and will always meet you right where you are in any walk of life. That's something incredible; you found someone incredible.”

Hearing Dan’s mother talk so highly of him, Phil smiled to himself. He and Dan’s family were never really that close so it was a relief to hear her say such lovely things. He climbed out of bed, leaving the room. He found Dan sitting on the stairs in just his boxers and Phil’s adventure time hoodie, his phone in his lap on speaker. Phil sat beside him and smiled warmly at him. Dan looked at him surprised and returned the smile with wet eyes.

“You're so right, mum. You're absolutely right,” Dan sniffled and Phil did him the favor of wiping at his eyes. He leaned in and pressed a kiss to Dan’s dimple then behind his ear. “He makes me so happy. I-I just want everything to get better and normal again.”

“It will,” his mother reassured him. “You have everything — excuse me —  _ everyone _ you need.”

Dan could hear the smile in her voice and Phil nuzzled his temple tenderly. “I love you, mum. Thank you for hearing me out about this.”

“Anytime, bear. You know you can always call me whenever you need. I'll talk to you soon.”

Dan ended the call and quickly embraced Phil, kissing him sweetly. “Good morning,” he mumbled against his lips.

“Morning, bear.” Phil pecked his nose and then his forehead. “No more tears today, okay? I know last night was rough, but we have some filming we need to do and some anime to catch up on. Coffee first, though.” Phil stood up and held his hand out to Dan, who smiled and obliged, intertwining their fingers. 

“Yes, dad.”

“Please don't call me that when you've just gotten off the phone with your mother.”

Dan laughed loudly and shoved at Phil with his shoulder, but didn't let go of his hand. “Oh shut up.”


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a very important chapter but WARNING: there will be some homophobic/transphobic slurs and talks about gender identity in this chapter. Skip it if you feel uncomfortable with that topic, but I think the last paragraph will at least be worth reading regardless xx

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a rushed post bc work :( but next update will be tomorrow or the day following xx

It’s been a difficult few days. Dan had hoped the attention would have died down by now, but ever since blog sites started posting articles about the images, it has been the topic on everyone’s lips. 

_ “Dan Howell: In Drag?” _

_ “Danisnotonfire is under fire after these leaked images!” _

_ “Dan Howell’s Double Life!” _

_ “Dan Is Not On Fire leaked nudes!!” _

He abstained from reading any of the articles; the headlines said enough. Yet, he couldn’t stop himself from scrolling through his tag on tumblr and even checking reddit. Tumblr was nicer, at least the majority. He truly appreciated that his fans were doing what they could to block out any of the negative posts, but still he found them. By accident or on purpose, it’s hard to say.

He felt sick. There were photoshopped versions of the images that were so graphic, it made his stomach turn. The captions just made it worse. He just wanted it to stop. At least one headline got it right; he was under fire. His whole reputation and brand — not even just his own, but his brand with Phil too — was going to be ruined by this. And it’s all his fault.

“Dan?” Phil shook Dan’s shoulder gently to get his attention. He flinched, immediately shutting his laptop.

“H-Hey, what’s up?”

“Are you okay?” Phil was looking at him worriedly and it made him feel awful. Phil has been his rock through all of this. Without him, he probably would have left his channel on hiatus indefinitely. 

“I’m okay,” Dan said with a nod then cleared his throat. “Are we leaving now?”

“Yeah, but if you need more time—”

“No! N-no, it’s fine. I’m fine, Phil. Really.” He tried to smile reassuringly, standing up. Phil didn’t look convinced but he pressed a kiss to Dan’s forehead then took his hand, leading them out their hotel room.

* * *

They arrived at the convention on time thanks to Phil’s time management skills and met with their manager to go over what was on the agenda for the day. Phil did most, if not all, of the talking; while Dan just nodded and paid little attention to whatever was being told to him because his mind was elsewhere at the moment. So many thoughts were going through his head. Would Marcus be here? What if someone asks about the pictures during the panel or interviews? What if someone brings copies of the pictures to the meet and greet as a sick joke? Oh god, is there a meet and greet?

“Is there a meet and greet today,” Dan blurted out, suddenly feeling short of breath.

“Yes,” their manager said as she slowly nodded her head, looking at him confused. “We went over that 5 minutes ago. Look, I know how hard things have been for you, but it’s going to be fine. If anyone oversteps your boundaries, we’ll take care of it.”

He nodded, but averted his gaze to the floor. Phil slipped his hand into his, lacing their fingers together and giving him a gentle squeeze.

“I’ve got you. It’s going to be okay,” he whispered, calming Dan’s fears. At least temporarily.

* * *

Most of the convention was a blur. They ran into friends, of course, did quick interviews that were only business related or gaming related then soon enough found themselves seated on a stage with other YouTubers as the host and audience took turns asking questions. This was the last place Dan needed to be.

Phil deflected most of the questions thrown their way, even the ones that were meant just for his boyfriend, but Dan was getting anxious. He could only force these half-assed smiles for so long. When he began to bounce his knee up and down, Phil had to resist from steadying it with his hand.

“This question is for Dan. Are you a tranny?”

His heart stopped. The question came from somewhere in the crowd and it took a moment for Dan’s brown eyes to meet the green eyes belonging to the boy who seconds ago had a microphone in front of his face. Everything seemed to happen in slow motion and there was radio silence. No gasp of shock, no joke from the host trying to awkwardly brush it off. Silence.

“No,” was Dan’s response. Still the silence was held in tact and he could feel all eyes on him and now his heart was thudding loudly in his ears and he felt lightheaded, but he tightened his grip on his own microphone and swallowed thickly. “No.” This time he sounded firm. He sounded like himself. 

“I’m not transgender just because I chose to wear women’s clothing and put on some lipstick. There are some men out there who hold onto their masculinity like they hold onto their mother. And yet femininity terrifies them. Whether or not it’s a man or a woman expressing it. The first hate comment I saw when Marcus posted those pictures of me was: Look at this faggot, if he wants to be a bitch so bad I’ll teach him how. I have read comment after comment calling me slurs, including the one that you used, hating me for looking too much like a woman or too much like a man. As if my gender expression is a trick I’m playing on some random insecure straight male on reddit and it’s not just me existing as me? Thanks to you and people like you and Marcus and people like Marcus, I have bolted a part of who I am in what feels more like a coffin than a closet out of fear. But I cannot be who I am with just pieces. And who knows? Maybe one day who I am will be someone who wears garters and eyeshadow every day. There needs to be room for uncertainty as much as we need to make room for those whose identity is an asterik. There’s so many things in life that we can’t know for sure and yet we’re allowed to try anyway. So why not gender?”


End file.
